“I used to be skinny and attractive. Now I’m just.. attractive.” – Jay Pritchett

“I’m not going to wake up in the morning and be Gwyneth Paltrow.” – Phil Dunphy

“The only thing stronger than fear is the desire to look really cool!” – Manny Delgado

“The best thing about Christmas is getting to spend it with your family. NOT!” – Haley Dunphy

“I didn’t want to kiss her goodbye because it felt like letting go of something!” – Alex Dunphy

“Excuse me, I am not a ‘baby whisperer.’ I am the ‘baby UNS-whisperer.'” – Gloria Pritchett

“I wish I could take everyone I love and live on a big farm.” – Luke Dunphy

“I don’t know about changing my lucky charm, but I’m going to be the charm that all guys wish they had in their twenties.” – Haley Dunphy

“I thought loving an imperfect person perfectly was the whole point.” – Phil Dunphy

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.” – Jay Pritchett

“I am very confident in my boating abilities despite the fact I have never been on a boat by myself.” – Phil Dunphy

“You are just realizing you don’t know how to paddle, right?” – Lily Tucker-Pritchett

“Sometimes you have to fake it just to feel normal.” – Cameron Tucker

“A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.” – Phil Dunphy

“I’ve learned that a pity party can be a lot of fun sometimes!” – Claire Dunphy

“Family trips don’t die, they just go on hiatus.” – Jay Pritchett

“You may beat me at this game, but I will always win at life.” – Gloria Pritchett

“I am brave. Roller coasters? Love them. Scary movies? I’ve seen Ghostbusters like seven times!” – Lily Tucker-Pritchett

“The best part of being a mom is knowing that the worst thing you could do has already been done.” – Claire Dunphy

“You better get used to these mild slaps to the face. That’s life telling you, ‘I got more where that came from!'” – Phil Dunphy

“If there was an Olympic sport of making everyone uncomfortable, I would be the Michael Phelps of that sport.” – Cameron Tucker