“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”

“I run on coffee and sarcasm.”

“Work hard so you can buy the things that make you look like you work hard.”

“Procrastinate now, panic later.”

“I don’t always arrive on time, but I always arrive with style.”

“I’m not a boss, I just have better ideas.”

“A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.”

“I don’t always love my job, but when I do, it’s lunchtime.”

“The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.”

“The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.”

“I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.”

“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”

“I don’t do well under pressure… or any other circumstance, really.”

“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. It’s a strange phenomenon called ‘effort.'”

“I may not be perfect, but I’m definitely limited edition.”

“I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.”

“I don’t like to think before I speak. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”

“I’m not saying I hate my job, but if a zombie apocalypse happened, I’d probably stay at work.”

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with the floor.”

“I don’t always have a solution, but I do have a really large collection of sarcastic comments.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy for when I’ll actually need it.”

“I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?”

“I don’t need anger management. You just need to stop annoying me.”

“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.”

“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”

“I have a dream, but it involves a Wi-Fi connection.”

“I don’t have OCD, I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but in alphabetical order… as it should be.”

“I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.”

“I don’t always talk about work, but when I do, I exaggerate.”