“Sorry doctor, I forgot the treatment you prescribed… Can you write me a prescription for a better memory?”

“I asked my doctor if I could take a break from my medication. He replied, ‘No pill-ing.'”

“I told the nurse that I was allergic to the hospital food. She said, ‘It’s alright, nobody likes it.'”

“I asked my doctor if he thought I would live a long and healthy life. He said, ‘I doubt it, Mercury is in retrograde.'”

“My doctor gave me an advice: ‘Don’t Google your symptoms.’ So, now I Bing them.”

“Every time I visit the doctor, I feel like I’m gathering enough receipts to file my taxes.”

“I went to see a specialist about my headaches, and he said I might be suffering from ‘talk-itis.’ Apparently, I talk too much!”

“I told my doctor I had a problem with procrastination. He said, ‘Just wait, it’ll go away on its own.'”

“My doctor told me I need to watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror.”

“I have a rare condition called ‘sleep procrastination.’ I keep putting it off until the next day.”

“I asked my doctor if it’s normal to feel tired all the time. He replied, ‘Yes, it’s called adulthood.'”

“My dentist told me I needed a crown. I replied, ‘I know, right? I should be treated like royalty!'”

“I told my doctor the constant back pain was killing me. He said, ‘Well, at least it’s not contagious.'”

“I went to the dentist and he said my teeth were like a city. Apparently, there’s a lot of decay downtown.”

“My doctor said I should exercise daily. I responded, ‘Do you mean Netflix marathons don’t count?'”

“I told my doctor I stopped drinking coffee, and now I have more energy. He replied, ‘That’s because you’re so busy telling everyone about it.'”

“I went to the optometrist and asked if they had any deals. They said, ‘Eye don’t see any.'”

“I told my doctor I have a fear of needles. She said, ‘Don’t worry, it’s a little point-less.'”

“My therapist told me I have an obsession with revenge. I’ll show her…”

“I told my dentist my teeth were loose and falling out. He said, ‘Let me give you a hand!'”

“I told my doctor I feel tired during the day but can’t sleep at night. He said, ‘Congratulations, you’ve unlocked advanced-level insomnia.'”

“My doctor told me to stop eating spicy food. I replied, ‘But I can’t resist the temptation, it’s just too jalapeño business!'”

“I told my doctor I feel like a zombie in the morning. She said, ‘Maybe you need to eat a brain-boosting breakfast.'”

“I asked my psychiatrist if I have multiple personalities. She said, ‘No, but some of them have the potential.'”

“I told my surgeon I was feeling nervous about the upcoming surgery. He said, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be the one losing sleep over it!'”