“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

“Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops!”

“A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, offers the vacuum cleaner as a form of foreplay.”

“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”

“My husband and I have a great arrangement: I make all the important decisions, and he makes all the minor ones.”

“Husbands are like fine wine – they get better with age, and it takes a lot of work to keep them from turning into vinegar.”

“Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.”

“Love may be blind, but marriage has a way of restoring its vision.”

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person… or a bottle of wine.”

“A husband is like a hand grenade – you never know when he’s going to blow.”

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond, but by the end, you’ll wish you had a club and a spade.”

“Marriage is all about compromise, for example, my wife chose the paint colors, and I chose the location for the man cave.”

“They say opposites attract, but my husband and I are proof that sometimes similarities can keep things interesting… in the bedroom.”

“Marriage is like a game of chess – you start off as pawns, then slowly understand that the queen rules the king.”

“A good husband is like a fine wine; he’s worth getting tipsy for.”

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person, even if it means pretending they don’t snore.”

“Marriage is grand, but divorce is a hundred grand.”

“Marriage is like a public toilet – those waiting outside are eager to get in, and those inside can’t wait to get out.”

“A husband is like a personal IT department for a wife – solving all her technical problems, even if it means turning everything off and turning it back on again.”

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”

“A good marriage is like a casserole – only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.”